In a new book of essays, women write about their mental health problems and how they persevered

Being and Belonging

by Neha Kirpal

I vividly remember nights sleeping with my desk pushed against the door, gripped by fear that my father might come in and hurt us, as my mother believed. She felt threatened, convinced he was out to kill us. It was only later that I understood my mother’s fear stemmed from her perception of persecution; often the case with paranoid schizophrenia.

When moments of normalcy occurred, I felt foolish for doubting my mom and being a part of our family’s daily soap opera. I would question my perceptions. What’s wrong with me? Why am I overreacting? I found myself navigating a complex web of emotions – concern for mom, confusion about her erratic behaviour and the pressure to figure out how to survive the day as a family. Thoughts kept running through my mind every waking hour. How do I fix this? How do I save everyone from this madness? How do I save my parents’ marriage? How do I protect my brother? How do I save us the humiliation from our neighbours? How do I keep this a secret from my teachers and friends?

As a child, I quickly sensed that everyone wanted to either judge or stay away. Our neighbours, who had watched my...

Read more