My wife hid her cancer from me – and wants me to keep it a secret | Dear Mariella

Your sense of betrayal is understandable and your children must be informed – but it’s important to understand your wife’s choice

The dilemma Last week I discovered that my wife of 40 years has had breast cancer for two years. She claims she kept it a secret from me in order not to upset me or our adult children. A few days later, we discovered the cancer has progressed to her bones.

I have to come to terms with the fact that I will probably soon be a widower, but also with the emotions surrounding my exclusion from the illness. Were it not for the fact that these last two years have probably been our best ever, this would feel like the ultimate betrayal of trust. I’m convinced that one of the reasons she hid this from me was because she treated it exclusively with alternative medicine and knew I would oppose this.

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