My elderly mother is housebound. But I hate caring for her | Dear Mariella

You must get help urgently both to deal with your resentment and to care for your possibly autistic mother, says Mariella Frostrup

The dilemma I grew up with an abusive father, a stay-at-home mother who is possibly autistic and a younger brother with cognitive delay. I’m in my 40s and Father is thankfully long dead. My brother lived with Mum, each caring for the other, until his sudden death three years ago.

I blame my mother for many things: for not protecting us; for raising us in squalor, and hoarding; for severing relationships with family members who could have supported us.